1/18/2008
It all started 5 yrs ago,I met this handsome man who I thought had everything I wanted in a man. A fool in love I married him 6 months after meeting him. He portrayed all the virtues I looked 4 in a man.Later after we got married his true colors showed, he told me it was just an act he wanted to "Hit it and quit it" with me, he told his friend Alfredo so. So why did we get married? I guess we both fell for his game.
Soon after I got pregnant...and that's when the abuse started. A couple of times he pushed me into the bed until I sat hard on the bed, another time he pulled by the hair from a corner in the room all the way to the bed. He slapped me 2 days after we had our son he slapped me out of jealousy because a “friend” of his told my husband a lie that him and I had slept together before we dated. He calls me the most horrible names.When my son was around 8 months old he slapped me because I wouldn't let him shake our son for crying, that was the 1st time I left, I reported him to the cops and 6 months later he did it again this time he punched me in the stomach,and slapped me right in front of his mom, this time I left him for 2 months. Since then until now it's been 1 1/2 yrs since we got together again, he has had me on headlocks, broken a table, torn 2 shirts while I was wearing them and in the last six months he's hit me 3 times.
In June 2007 he left a huge black/ blue bruise under my arm, on September 2007 a couple of days after my B-Day he punched me in my stomach several times and the side of my arm over a stupid joke, and the most recent ones was punches on the face (though he made sure they weren't hard enough to bruise) that shows intent to me. He's not stupid he's done all this while our son's asleep.
He always recriminates me that he has 2 jobs and that I am being insensitive, but don't think so. Because I endure his abuse and I believe that's payment enough, I do all the errands , I can't remember the last time we went to a store together, he never helps around the house, he pees all over the floor when he uses the restroom ,sometimes he pees on the bathroom sink or the tub. Sometimes I feel like I am a secretary/personal slave. I HAVE to take him his food 2 bed almost all the time, there's times when I even give him the glass of water or pills in his mouth, I am afraid of complaining, he might get violent again. I put his clothes out to go to work, if his alarm is not enough to wake him up (which is everyday)I have to wake him up. I have to rub his head and/or feet everyday so he can go to sleep. Oh!!! And he absolutely has to have sex everyday or else it means I have an affair or he threatens to go out and get what he doesn't get at home. I have sex with him out of fear, he always wants it after he gets violent, that or he forces me to show displays of affection, and later he thinks I agreed because I wanted it! This from a man that knows that I was raped before! .
Recently he cut a bit of his left index finger at work and boy is he taking advantage!!
For the last 1 1/2 yr he hasn't done or said anything for Mother's day, Anniversary, My Birthday or Christmas. We had a X-mas because of me, when he asks 4 anything he doesn't, he demands it, " bring me " or "get me" are his favorite words to start a sentence. He doesn't play with his son or take us out as much as he should and when he does it’s a miracle, on his days off he sleeps all day, he just neglects us very much. Over the course of our marriage he's disappeared a couple of times all night. He's told me he's disgusted to have sex with me a couple of times, he's told me if I get pregnant by accident, hell make fall off some stairs, that he'd kill me before even giving me a penny for child support or for a divorce and he would take my son away from me by planting drugs on me. He has the "friends" to do so. I believe some of his behavior is due to drugs I found a glass pipe in the restroom of our apartment once, and the next day it wasn't there.
I admit I haven't worked the full 5 yrs we've been together but I HAVE worked, he was looking to buy a house , he couldn't have saved the money if it wasn't for me, There's also been times when money's been so tight that I gave my son and him the food there was while I ate nothing at all. When his dad fell in jail for a DUI, I supported him and we GAVE his mom around 3 to 4k all together to pay bills and help her with the mortgage. And today she asked to let her daughter use my insurance to see the doctor since we're the same age, like that's gonna happen! That's a federal offense!
This morning he once again threw a fit because he didn't get sex (consider he gets it almost daily), and threatened to quit his 2nd job because he doesn't get empathy from me. I don't have friends ( he alienates them). My family knows about his abuse up until a year and a half ago they don't know the rest.
5/20/08
Well what can I say..yes the violence still continues…a day after Angel’s birthday he got pissed because he didn’t go to the party this was 4 months ago March 6th, he told me to pick up my things and leave, he cut up my bank card…and ended up not letting me leave, by not letting our son leave with me. I can’t leave him with Eddie!
So we got our house on March 10th and on May 11th , we got into another big argument this time it was because I wouldn’t drive ( I shouldn’t drive because I have no license, my ID is expired and I can’t get one until I get either my citizenship which I’ve applied for, or apply for another Green Card which implies spending more $ we don’t have) anyways he was yelling at me all the way home calling me: stupid, bitch, he told me to get out of the car and we he pulled over and I was about to get out, he threatened to kick me out of the car while it was moving, he purposely put back the visor so that the Sun would hit my eyes ( he knows I’m sensitive to the glare). We got home and he told me to leave, I hugged our son and he said I would not take him with me, he pushed me up the stairs to our closet he pulled my hair and pushed me into a cardboard box and told me to pack my things, the when he saw me packing he forced into the bed and had me into a headlock until he had me crying…I had to pretend nothing happened…I was afraid of more violence and as usual I was blamed for pissing him off…
7/18/08
It was about a month ago…another bad violent episode..
This time it was because he found an e-mail addressed to me by an old friend just asking me how I was, and my reply to him asking about his daughter and how he was also, that set him off, he asked for my password and now he checks it almost everyday. He broke my laptop and punched a hole through the door on the room I was trying to hide in. But that night was horrible he threatened to commit suicide he pulled a plug off of a fan and was trying to stick the peeled wires in a wall socket. He told me to go into our room and I didn’t want to..this was the first time ever I was really afraid for my life! I started screaming as soon as he grabbed me, he covered my mouth with some cloth and yelled at me to shut up. I was literally reliving the day I got mugged and raped about 9 years ago, I was kicking and pulling and scratching, I grabbed a hairbrush that was on hand and started hitting him in the head with it, of course I was no match to him, he used to study martial arts and boxing. He threatened to kill me too or that if I left and asked for child support he would have my family killed or burned or that he would kidnap our son and take him out of the country if he even so much as gets served with child support papers. Our son was watching all of this, he was crying his poor little eyes out! He cooled off a bit, then he started crying and seemingly pouring his heart out and said how he knows we’re so different and he’s no good for me … we talked until the next morning, the he snapped again in the kitchen and tried to grab a knife to commit suicide, but I also was afraid he was lying and trying to use the knife on me, I had to walk all over broken beer bottles, I didn't know if I should believe him since once he lied telling me he had cancer in his back, but I didn't risk it. Later he walked outside and told me he was leaving. He came back right away and and I told him I couldn’t live like this, he told me it was his house and he was paying it that I could leave if I wanted… then I called my mom to pick me up, I tried to sound calm, told her I just wanted to go see my aunts that were visiting her. Eddie saw I was serious when I hung up and then told me to call her and and to say I changed my mind, so I did out of fear, he always takes the phone out of my hand and get violent when he thinks I call the police, he’s never mentioned any of this since.
He’s been real calm and almost happy and playful since then, but I worry, I worry I might believe him because he’s acting different this time, because other times he’s just been plain calm, and I worry that he will act violent again. Hope is my enemy, because my heart wants to see that he is changing, but my mind is telling me it’s just a trap until next time…just until next time…
11/08/08
He did it again...I guess he really doesn't need much of a reason to be violent. This time he threw a remote at me and almost dislocated my jaw, but it did hurt to chew for a week. I was was trying to convince him to stop playing so hard with Angel he was sucking too hard on our son's chin, blood almost burst through his vessels and our son started crying in pain. He said he could do anything with our son since he was his dad, I got upset and I told him if you love your kids you don't hurt them, kids shouldn't be afraid of their parents. And that's what triggered everything and all of this happened in front of Angel.
11/26/08
Here we go again, he did not hit me but he broke our bathroom's medicine's cabinet mirror I was threatened to be kicked out with only what I had on, which were my pajamas. The trigger: I told him to please stop dropping his dirty clothes everywhere when he just came home from 16hrs of working.
Did I deserve it? I was not going to tell him anything because I knew he was tired plus he would get upset, but he insisted on knowing what was wrong with me so much he was getting upset...with him,he gets mad if you don't tell him what's wrong and he gets mad if I tell him to help me with anything since I don't work. So either way he was going to get mad, so damned if I do and damned if I don't.
And again all happened in front of Angel , who covered himself with the blankets. Eddie seems not to care his son watches anymore.
I don't know how to leave him without worrying about him kidnapping our son, I can do a lot of stuff legally but I know he won't care.
What would you think if he told you that he ran over a man once, that he gutted a man once that's he's killed before maybe, since he never stayed long enough to know if they actually died, if this had happened in the US maybe I would have a shot at keeping my son with full custody and leaving the state, but all this happened in our country when he was single. And his dad payed someone to get his record clean...
1/07/2009
YesteI don'
Pleas
He doesn
My son this morni
Isn'
1/08/2009
It happened AGAIN. Just becau
I have to wait a littl
I am glad he goes back right
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